Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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