I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
