so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
