Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize