My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
