omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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