The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
