So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
