I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it because I queefed?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize