he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
