Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
