Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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