I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
