So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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