Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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