How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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