you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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