you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
