tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
