Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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