I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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