He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize