ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize