You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
