oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
pop tarts are not kleenex
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
