I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
