if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
