it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
