I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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