Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're making bets on your personal life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
