God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
