i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
