So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we made out on top of his cat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
