i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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