remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
