let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
