Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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