Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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