I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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