is wine microwaveable?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
