I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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