she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
