matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
