You can't motorboat a personality
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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