god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
