The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
