i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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