Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
