I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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