what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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