you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
