I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
