I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
