You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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