Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
