dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
