Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
