did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
