her vagine was all disorganized.
one two three fourrrrnication!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
