Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
