It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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