so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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