yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
