i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
