why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
