Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just high enough for therapy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
