You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
